Love Sonnets from God: Manna in the Morning.

I sat at the Lord’s breakfast table this morning with questions. I partook, but I didn’t understand it all. It was my manna, which in Hebrews means, “What is it?” Sometimes I come to Him, like a little girl climbing into His lap with only questions. How do I feel joyful when I’m not? How can I be joyful when life is painful? Is joy a feeling? Or is it an action to be obeyed? It is merely given by the spirit, or grown in me? Does it come after the morning, or does the morning come when I choose joy? Sure, I can act joyful, but to be joyful, He’d know when I’m faking. I’m reading, thinking, learning…

And sometimes it’s the questions that bring me close. If I had the answers I would be tempted to run off and play. But the questions keep bringing me back. How Lord? Why Lord? They are not demanding questions, or ungrateful questions, just questions. Some have answers. And the hard ones: children starving to death, being abused, babies with cancer… those don’t. I know there will be a day when I will receive all the answers, face to face with my Rabboni.

“Mommy, what do moth’s eat?” “Can I play Barbies?” “What’s for breakfast?”…and that’s just the beginning of my day. But questions are good. It’s the questions that bring us true knowledge. It’s the seeking, the curiosity that invites learning. I want a home of seeking, of asking. Sometimes God wants to play hide and seek. "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter." If I seek, He is always there to be found.

But seeking is not enough. I need to search out the answers, when they can be found. I want children who search out Your truth in this life. And when unanswered questions face me, I am grateful. I am grateful to worship a God who is much, much smarter than I am. We’re not even on the same wave lengths.

My husband just started his next semester in engineering. After Calculus 3, he is now taking Discrete Math. I think they have to call it this because the authors knew that to people like me, people that have no idea what it’s talking about, it is discrete. He’s learning things that my brain could never understand. I do not exaggerate the word never. The thing is, I’m okay with that. I respect his work more because I know it’s something I could never do. But he doesn’t treat me like I’m dumb either.

God never chides me for not knowing, for asking. I’m pretty sure David asked God about almost everything, and God never seemed put out about it. There are a lot of Why’s? in his book of the Bible. Today, I see God’s love in manna—His provision, His sustenance, His heaven-sent food. And even if I’m asking, “what is it?”, it’s sweet to my tongue, filling to my soul, and growing food for my mind.

Lord, help me to not seek empty calorie answers, but seek Your whole truth. Help me to invite my children in to an atmosphere of learning. Help me to look to You when they have growing pains. Help me not to always drive the car, but give directions to You. Help me to see this life through a child’s eyes, with curiosity and fresh hope. Don’t let dust settle on my mind, on my theology. Help me look always to the author of the book where the questions come from, to look to You.

Deuteronomy 4:29
But from there you will seek the LORD your God,

and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Jeremiah 29:13
And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.