Yes, two friends out celebrating belated birthdays Saturday.
Too. Much. Fun. And well, the other friend surprises me with a massage at a
“place” she knows. And as I’m getting ready in the room, I am wondering how to
overcome the played at the park, rode bikes with kids, sweaty, did not shave my
legs today guilt. I admit it, I wasn’t planning on my legs being touched today.
So here I am. I feel my legs in hope they are not that bad. Nope. Time slots
booked, massages paid for, my cactus legs are
getting massaged. And my dilemma is really: do I apologize for it, have
masseuse avoid the legs entirely, or pretend they are shaved and enjoy amazingly-wonderful-gift.
(I mean seriously, what is better than being relaxed, pampered, and lotioned
for a whole hour?! My spell check doesn’t even recognize lotioned as a word. Clearly it is under used.) And as I lay
there, sticking my face into the padded horseshoe face holder thing, I decided
avoiding eye contact was really my best option. And from between the deep tissue
and my brain, I realized that I was a sad state: lost somewhere between
practical, functional, busy, tired and bleh.
I’m not sure where I had put my romance (possibly in the tub
full of lingerie collecting dust under my bed?) Well, hopefully not, but it
really needed reclaiming. And I think the space of romance that had been
overcrowded with other things: babies, meals, dishes, it was dying, gasping for
some air and light. I needed to pull it out from the laundry basket quick, lest
it smell or wrinkle or both.
And I'm at this point of day dreaming, wondering if romance
is really necessary for a ten year old bride, or groom for that matter? Isn’t
God’s love enough? Isn’t a companionship, daily “I love you” salutations—consistent,
steady kind of love enough? After ten years, I’ve put Cinderella back on the
shelf, I’m already living happily ever after. I’m not a new date. My wedding
gift appliances are starting wear out after all.
I am jolted to reality. I feel the blue sheet unwrapping one
of my less-than-smooth-legs. I couldn’t, really could not at least acknowledge
the obvious. I apologize profusely. I suddenly feel like the
old-don’t-care-married-lady right now, and I really hate this feeling. I miss
rubbing a new shade of lipstick between my lips, pinching my cheeks and
spraying perfume before he comes home.
So, all of this leaves me one choice: shave my legs
immediately, well, practically speaking in my next shower. And all this is really leading me to
seek out romance in the Bible, with Jesus, and with one other man, (the one I share
a last name with.) My goal: something like “Dating for Married Dummies”, or 21 Days of Romance. Can I re-woo? It occurs to me, that after 10 years, we’ve
thought of the obvious gestures. Do I know this man well enough to surprise him
still? Can I find 21 gestures of romance that he will recognize as such if
there’s no label attached?
So this is me, from “Love Sonnets from God,”going on a love hunt of sorts though I’m no theologian.
Today I find this as unrusting the knowledge that God created more than one kind of love. He created Agapao and Phileo love and all their complexities.
Culture
defines romantic love as an eros kind of love: eros meaning sexual desire. But
this kind of love isn’t mentioned once in the Bible. Not even in Song of Solomon,
(and I checked.) Song of Solomon is dripping with “H157” 'âhêb: to have affection
for (sexually or otherwise): be loved, be lovely, be a lover. I can’t even type
these words without a kind of sigh rising in my heart. That’s the word I was
looking for. Side note: it’s used 195 times.
Deuteronomy
11:13-15 And
if you will indeed obey my commandments that I command you today, to love ['âhêb: to have
affection for] the LORD
your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, he will give the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the later rain, that you may gather in your grain and your wine and your oil. And he will give grass in your fields for your livestock, and you shall eat and be full.
God wants my
affection. I want His. I want
affection. I want to eat and be full
with it. I want to give God first, husband second, 'âhêb: my affection-- all my heart, all my
soul. I yearn to be loved, be lovely, be a lover. I said it out loud.
with it. I want to give God first, husband second, 'âhêb: my affection-- all my heart, all my
soul. I yearn to be loved, be lovely, be a lover. I said it out loud.
And the God I know, the God I love, He is lovely.
Psalm 50:2 Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth.
It’s easy to see Him as beautiful. But Jesus saw
beauty here on earth too. He said of the
woman who broke perfume at His feet: "Leave her alone. Why do you trouble
her? She has done
a beautiful thing to me.” (Matthew 26:10)
I enjoy leaving love notes on sticky notes on the steering wheel of his car to be discovered when he leaves for work in the morning, or in his lunch bag.
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while, but I use to do candle light dinners after the kids were in bed on the nights he came home late.
Text message poems, one line at a time. :) And I never know what the next line will be when I send the first.
ReplyDeleteGreat ideas, ladies!
ReplyDeleteWhen we were dating I used to massage his pitching arm after a game. After we were married the massage was just because I love him!
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ReplyDeleteAs a more-than-decade-old bride, tonight, I'll take out the trash (normally his "job") as quietly as possible, so he wouldn't immediately *know* I'm doing it, while he's watching the Bronco's season opener. Bring him a beer (unrequested) & study next to him, yet try to offer more than a quasi-attentive grunt when he comments on the game...here's hoping it's my guy's brand of romance.
ReplyDeleteOh, and consider shaving my legs...
he sounds like a lucky man to me, hope he knows it too. :-)
ReplyDeleteLovely blog, Amy. I give my husband foot rubs....he is a marathon runner, after all. It helps him physically of course, but the physical touch also helps us be more intimate and enjoy each other's company while I give him my undivided attention.
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