I
come from a family of relational women, relational and emotional. And this is
not a bad thing, but I sometimes shy away from tears. I sometimes feel as if I
cried them all out when things were bad and have no more left to shed. And I
have these moments when I feel mean not
to cry, when everyone else is. I feel tears that do not come. I have a good cry
about once a year-- once a year too often my husband says. :)
And I have moments where I just want to laugh.
I come from a long line of laughers too. My dad was one of the worst. We could
really get our Sunday pew shaking with stifled laughter… Like when an older
gentlemen at our church would repeatedly fall asleep on the other side of the
isle. And as he would, his Bible would drop off his lap. He’d wake and bend
down to pick it up and clunk his head on the pew in front of him, then pick up
his bible and fall asleep again, only to repeat the process a few minutes later.
And then there was the time that a friend was playing a saxophone music special,
only her younger brother had stuffed a whole plastic tablecloth into her
instrument, and she was turning purple just to get a few duck-squawks out of
the thing. Oh, how our pew shook. My dad was sentimental. He cried easy and
laughed easy. There was the family wedding where the officiator, my uncle, very
solemnly asked the groom, “Do you have the finger?” My Aunt Mary dug in her
purse for a long time to hide her wobbling, laughing shoulders.
Emotions are messy and beautiful. They seem to tell
the world, “I’m alive
here. I live, I breathe, I feel.” Emotions
are our way of relating with life. Because life is relational. Our lives are in each moment a relationship
between us and our Maker, whether we run from those moments or not.
I am never surprised to feel emotions in my
relationship with my Jesus, to feel it in my heart. I feel awe, love, fear,
wonder, sorrow (at my own sin), joy, excitement, passion. But it takes me back
that our God has
feelings too.
Ezekiel 6:9 “And
they that escape of you shall remember me among the nations whither they shall
be carried captives, because I am
broken with their whorish heart, which hath departed from me, and with their
eyes, which go a whoring after their idols: and they shall lothe themselves for
the evils which they have committed in all their abominations.”
The word for broken is: shâbar:
broken hearted, crushed, or hurt.
I
am capable of hurting God’s feelings, breaking His heart. I am in a
relationship with a passionate God, a God who can be pleased, angered,
sorrowed-- who can rejoice, have joy, --a God who can also be hurt.
Hosea 11:8 How shall I give thee up,
Ephraim? how shall I deliver
thee, Israel? how
shall I make thee as Admah? how
shall I set thee as Zeboim? mine heart [Labe: a form of the heart; also used very widely for the feelings] is
turned within me, my repentings are kindled together.
In
1839 Professor Finney writes:
“He [God] must feel, or he is not virtuous. Virtue
cannot consist in the mere abstractions of the intellect, but belongs to the
heart. And an intellect without moral feeling cannot be virtuous.”
“…His
grace manifested in the Atonement, is the highest possible demonstration that he has all the
feelings ascribed to him in the Bible,
and in an infinite degree. Did he not
really love sinners, could he make so great a sacrifice to save them? Were
he not angry at sin--were he not infinitely just and inflexible in maintaining
the principles of his government, could he have given his Son to die as their
substitute, rather than pardon them without an Atonement? We certainly should
consider it the highest possible evidence of love in a human being to give
himself or his son to die for us.”
As
humbling as it is, I know that God desires a relationship with me. And I know
that this relationship, like in any romance, is a two way interaction. Only, while I am very capable of hurting Him-- He will never hurt me. It was by
His perfect design that we in turn desire relationships with one another, that we yearn for deep, meaningful
relationships, especially with our spouse.
Romance
has been argued to be a poor word choice for what are a series of obedience
actions in marriage. It is argued that a husband may never feel like being loving,
yet he will because he knows he ought to. And while the heart, and its emotions, can follow the
habits of actions, how can love be heartless? How can it be so uninvolving when we were created to love with all
our heart, soul and mind? God doesn’t want anything half-hearted. He searches
the world, to and fro, looking for whole heartedness. 2 Chronicles 16:9 “For
the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.”
Jeremiah 29:13 “And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” And so romance
must be genuine, must be poured from the mind, but also the heart and soul. God
doesn’t go for middle of the road nonsense ,“So, because you are
lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” We
don’t fall for it either, or rather we do.-- We see it in fallen marriages
crumbling all around us. Romance expects more, because romances seeks the whole
heart.
"You
are made for romance, and the only one who can offer it to you consistently and
deeply is Jesus." – John and Staci Eldridge
Romance
is a relationship: between me and the Lord, between me and my spouse, and
between me and anyone that I extend Christ’s love to. Romance is love talking through feelings,
through a heart like His, which genuinely feels.
Lord,
may I seek to strengthen the relationships You’ve given me, strengthen the
cords of my marriage through genuine, heart-feeling love. May I never grow
cold, the fire never go out, its red coals protected through the night, fanned
to flame each day. Lord, may I be whole hearted in loving You. May I keep our relationship
sacred, never again hurt You as deeply as when my sins nailed You on the cross. May I be ever seeking You, seeking out our
relationship, so that it grows and is fruit bearing. May I be walking down the isle as Your bride, ever nearing the altar.
Brotherly and Sisterly love...
My love sonnet from Him today: that He feels love for me as I do for Him, only much, much greater. I am in a relationship with a God who desires my heart.
Care to see where we've been on this 21 Days of Romance? (Seeking out romance in His word) You might like to see:
Day 5: God created us for romance. Will I choose it?
Care to see where we've been on this 21 Days of Romance? (Seeking out romance in His word) You might like to see:
Day 10: Love is anything but stony. Love comes from hearts that are receptive, hearts that still feel.
Day 13: Romance is a pearl of great price, worth investing in.
This is great Amy! Deep thoughts.
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